Alana Sanborn

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FIVE

TIPS AND TIDBITS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH THE NARCISSIST IN YOUR LIFE

Having a narcissistic person in your life can be a living hell. Whether they are a spouse, a parent, a cousin, a coworker or a friend, they make you feel tangled up inside and like you are living in a trap.

These five pieces of wisdom can help you navigate these relationships, because understanding how this person operates and how to deal with it is key for your survival.

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alanasanborn

Narcissism detector. Relationship coach & consultant. Reality check wizard.

When they are so busy trying to appear perfect to

When they are so busy trying to appear perfect to others, they will do anything to maintain that image - including harming you in the process. You are merely a pawn in their game. The sooner you learn that, the better. #NarcsissisticAbuse #ConArtist #narcissisticabuserecovery #divorcinganarc #narcissist #DatingANarcissist #DivorcingANarcissist #healingfromnarcabuse #narcissisticparents

The stories some narcissists come up with can be s

The stories some narcissists come up with can be so compelling, but most of the time they're completely made up. If something seems like a lie, it probably is. Trust your gut!
#narcissisticabuseawareness #NarcAbuseCoaching #narcabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #HealingFromNarcAbuse #CovertNarc #OvertNarcissist #NarcissisticAbuse

Image text: Don’t outsource your sense of self t

Image text: Don’t outsource your sense of self to the narcissist. They will always choose what’s best for them in any given moment.

And that often means you will suffer so they can feel good.
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You were conditioned to abandon yourself to make others happy. The narcissist is counting on this.
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#narcabuse #TrustYourGut #narcissisticparents #FlyingMonkeys #ConMan #Shame #ConArtist #divorcinganarc #healingfromnarcabuse #narcissist #narcissisticabuserecovery

If you feel demeaned, ashamed of your behavior, or

If you feel demeaned, ashamed of your behavior, or like you are betraying your own values ... That's your clue that you are around someone who is not safe for you! Narcissistic abuse is real, my friend. Time to step away, as soon as you can.
#DivorcingANarcissist #DatingANarcissist #narcissist #RecoveringCodepdendent #healingfromnarcabuse #narcissisticparents #narcissisticabuserecovery

Image text: It’s time to stop expecting your nar

Image text: It’s time to stop expecting your narcissistic parent to change. They will never be who you wish you had as a role model.

Let your feelings about this be valid. Anger, deep sorrow, loneliness ... Don’t abandon yourself like they did.
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The way to heal from having a narcissistic parent is to let yourself feel all your feelings about it. Take care of yourself. Get support.

Don't abandon yourself or emotionally neglect yourself just like your parent did to you.
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#emotionalmanipulationabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #HealingFromNarcAbuse #NarcissisticParents #GuiltTrips #peoplepleaserinrecovery #narcabusecoach

Image text: The narcissist stole everything from

Image text:
The narcissist stole everything from you, but you still have the truth.

Hold on tight to your truth and tell your story when you’re ready.

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And be careful about who you tell your story to in the beginning. Find people you can trust to confide in and who will help you build up your confidence again.
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#narcabuse #Shame #ConArtist #FlyingMonkeys #narcissisticparents #divorcinganarc #NarcsissisticAbuse #TrustYourGut #ConMan #narcissisticabuseawareness #NarcAbuseCoaching

Look, unless you are into consensual BDSM, being c

Look, unless you are into consensual BDSM, being controlled by someone else isn't cool. When someone you care about demeans you, whether you are alone or in public, they are demonstrating a desire to have power over you. And once they start, they will want to control your every move and decision. It's a slippery slope, and a sign of manipulation and abuse. Be careful out there. #narcissist #narcissisticabuserecovery #divorcinganarc #NarcsissisticAbuse #ConArtist #NarcAbuseCoaching #narcabuseawareness

Image text: You are not just a survivor of narciss

Image text: You are not just a survivor of narcissistic abuse.
You are more than what happened to you.
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Don't let what the narcissist did to you or said about you define you IN ANY WAY.
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#ConArtist #Shame #narcissisticabuserecovery #SmearCampaign #narcabuse #CovertNarcissist #narcabuserecovery #healingfromnarcabuse #narcabusesurvivor #Cancelled #narcissist

Image text: One of the worst things about losing t

Image text: One of the worst things about losing time to a narcissistic relationship dynamic is feeling like you should have known better. Being full of regret because it all seems so obvious now.

But it wasn't obvious to you then. And that’s okay. Learn to forgive yourself for what you didn’t know.

You did your best with the information you had.
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#narcissisticparents #FlyingMonkeys #SmearCampaign #divorcinganarc #narcabuserecovery #Shame #CovertNarcissist #ConArtist #narcabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcabusesurvivor #healingfromnarcabuse

It's hard work to separate yourself. Especially if

It's hard work to separate yourself. Especially if they are a spouse or a parent. But you can do it. Having a narcissistic abuse recovery coach helps! Whatever you do, don't do it alone. Get some support from friends or professionals!
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#NarcAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #Manipulation #NarcSurvivor

Image text: The narcissist is a master of blame. T

Image text: The narcissist is a master of blame. They will blame anyone but themselves for a situation. Often, they will blame you.

You will get used to taking the blame after a while. It’s easier than fighting. And, sadly, after a while you will believe you are to blame.

Recovery means learning the truth about blame. Taking accountability for your part, but not taking all the blame.
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You are not to blame! But if you are like me and other survivors, you believe in taking responsibility for your actions.

So, let's work together to help you own your work and be accountable without going too far with it.

It's not all your fault.

I repeat: IT'S NOT ALL YOUR FAULT.
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#HSP #NonbinaryLifeCoach #GenderQueerCoach #QueerCoach #NarcAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcAbuseSurvivor #Narcissistic #narcabusecoaching #CovertNarc

Image text: To recover from a narcissistic relatio

Image text: To recover from a narcissistic relationship, you need someone you can trust to help you find your reality again.

You have been deceived so much, and you have conformed to their will so many times, that you don't know what’s real anymore.

Finding your reality can be so scary and confusing, but it's such an important part of recovering from this type of relationship abuse.

The narcissist has stolen your reality from you so you couldn't get out from under their spell.

It's time to get it back.

I will help you remember who you are and find your way again.
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#NarcAbuseCoaching #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcabuseawareness #narcissisticabusesurvivor #HealingFromNarcAbuse #narcabusecoach #Narcissistic #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcAbuseSurvivor #NarcAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery

Image Text: The first thing a narcissist will do i

Image Text: The first thing a narcissist will do is gain your trust. They want your secrets, so they can use what they know about you to exploit you.

Getting over a narcissist means learning to trust yourself and other people again, which is one of the hardest parts.

But I believe you can do it! With help, you can reconnect with your true reality, and remember what it's like (or learn for the first time how) to trust your instincts and make positive decisions.

It's a long road, but it's worth it. Start now. Trust them less, and you more.
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#narcabuseawareness #NarcAbuseCoaching #narcissisticabusesurvivor #HealingFromNarcAbuse #peoplepleaserinrecovery #CovertNarc #OvertNarcissist #narcabusecoach #Narcissistic #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcAbuseSurvivor #NarcAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcAbuse

Image text: When a narcissistic person tells you i

Image text: When a narcissistic person tells you it’s all your fault, don’t believe them.
When they tell you your childhood issues are to blame for everything, don’t believe them.
When they tell you no one likes you, don't believe them.
When they talk, stop listening.

It's hard to stop listening to the narcissistic person in your life. They have quite the hold on you. Almost like you are hypnotized.

The longer you stay away, and the longer you stop listening to them, the easier it gets, though.

In fact, you'll be confused about how you ever believed anything they said.

There's hope in your future.
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#NarcAbuseCoaching #NarcissisticParents #narcabuseawareness #NarcParents #emotionalmanipulationabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #EmotionalAbuse #StopPeoplePleasing

Image text: Whatever you’ve done to survive narc

Image text: Whatever you’ve done to survive narcissistic abuse is forgivable.

When you look back on your relationship with a narcissistic person, I bet there are some things you are not proud of doing or saying.

Maybe you were passive aggressive, or yelled a lot, or lied or hid things. Maybe you even lashed out physically.

Or, perhaps you sucked up to them and did or said things you didn't mean or didn't want to do.

All of it is understandable. When you are being manipulated and psychologically abused, your reactions are going to be based in a trauma response. You might try everything possible to deal with the situation over time.

When you look back at the things you did and said, try looking at them as trauma responses. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn are a few trauma responses, and you may have relied heavily on one or a couple of these, or you may have cycled through several.

Whatever ways you've responded to the narcissist, you weren't wrong. You did what you could to survive. And, if you haven't already, it would be really helpful for you to learn more about why you responded the way you did and work on forgiving yourself for the stuff you don't feel proud of.
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#NarcAbuseCoaching #narcissisticabuseawareness #emotionalmanipulationabuse #NarcParents #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcabusecoach #CovertNarc #NarcAbuseSurvivor #NarcAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery

Image text: You are not alone. There are so many o

Image text: You are not alone. There are so many of us who believed the lies of a narcissistic person. Find people who understand what you’ve been through.

Please know that you are joined by so many of us around the world that understand what you are going through.

We have all felt the humiliation and the fear and the shock. We've all been betrayed and hurt and confused.

It's a very unique experience, and yet there are so many of us who get it.

Find us, and know you are not alone. It does get better, once you leave the situation or understand it better and put some really strong boundaries up.

Narcissistic abuse is real, horrible, and happens to the best of us.
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#narcissisticparents #CovertNarcissist #ConArtist #Shame #narcabuserecovery #narcissisticabuserecovery #FlyingMonkeys #divorcinganarc #SmearCampaign #narcabuse

Image Text: As you recover from narcissistic abuse

Image Text: As you recover from narcissistic abuse, you will likely still be uncovering lies they told years later.

I'm amazed at how long it can take to uncover all the lies a narcissist says - even years later. You may never know all the lies they told. There's really no way to know. And that's okay. But it's still haunting to have a random thought so many years later and realize it was all a lie.

Some day, you'll chuckle about it. But for now, you might feel sick, or sad, or angry, or all three.

Take it slow. They were a skilled manipulator, and you were trusting and loving.

That's all that happened.
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Image text: It wasn't in your head. You didn't im

Image text: It wasn't in your head.

You didn't imagine them lying to you about weird, little things.

You didn't imagine that their story changed all the time.

You didn't imagine that they acted different in public versus alone with you.

You didn't imagine that they were nice in the beginning.

You didn't imagine it at all.

You've been manipulated and it's very confusing to come out of it.

I recommend getting some help from a coach or a therapist to sort it all out.

What happened to you is real.
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#narcabuserecovery #CovertNarcissist #narcissisticparents #Shame #narcissisticabuserecovery #ConArtist #narcabuse #FlyingMonkeys #SmearCampaign #divorcinganarc

Image text: The narcissist lied. You are worthy of

Image text: The narcissist lied. You are worthy of love.

In your life, you have probably been conditioned to believe that you are not worthy of love or affection unless you WORK for it.

That can mean taking care of people, giving them gifts, entertaining them, so many things.

The truth is, you are lovable just the way you are.

And everything the narcissist in your life made you believe about yourself is a lie.

It will take hard work to unlearn these beliefs, but you can do it.

Coaching can help. Reach out for some support.
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#NarcAbuseCoaching #narcissisticabusesurvivor #peoplepleaserinrecovery #CovertNarc #narcabusecoach #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcAbuseRecovery #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery

Image text: Find someone you can trust. A narciss

Image text: Find someone you can trust.

A narcissist will have you questioning anything and everything around you, and worst of all everything IN you as well.

You won't trust your own thoughts or perceptions or feelings.

That is scary.

So, a really important part of healing is to find someone you trust who can help you remember how to trust yourself.

That's the goal. Remembering how to trust yourself.

It's vital.

I am here to help - meet with me for a free session to see if my style of coaching feels right for you.
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#SelfCompassion #EmotionalAbuse #PeoplePleaser #EmotionalManipulation #NarcAbuseCoach #Narcissist #HSP #NarcAbuseRecovery

Image text: When a When a narcissist sinks their t

Image text: When a When a narcissist sinks their talons into you, they continuously take from you. By the time they are done with you, you feel empty, alone, and lost.

In some ways, when you are recovering from narcissistic abuse, it can feel like starting from scratch.

You might feel like you don't know yourself at all anymore. The things you liked to do aren't interesting anymore - or more likely, they've been commandeered by the narcissist. The people you used to have around you have all scattered - or were pushed away because the narcissist insisted upon it.

So much of who you are and what your life meant to you have been wiped away by this relationship.

When you're feeling more steady, you might be able to see that a fresh start is an opportunity, but for now, that probably feels really obnoxious to read.

Just know that little by little you will start to feel like yourself again - but different. And probably, if you are able to get some support through this process, you may even feel MORE connected to yourself.

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#NarcAbuseCoaching #NarcParents #emotionalmanipulationabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcabuseawareness #narcissisticabuseawareness #NarcAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcAbuseRecovery #NarcAbuseSurvivor

I highly recommend having support to heal from nar

I highly recommend having support to heal from narcissistic abuse.

Read all the articles, listen to the podcasts, AND make sure you have someone to share with.

Your healing can happen alone, but it can also be helpful to have a partner on this journey. Cuz it's really, really tiring. And sometimes feels hopeless.

People like me are available for coaching or you can reach out to trustworthy family and friends, or hire a therapist who is knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse.
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#NarcAbuseCoaching #narcissisticabusesurvivor #HealingFromNarcAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #NarcAbuseRecovery #narcabusecoaching

Image Text: being conned by someone you trust is e

Image Text: being conned by someone you trust is extremely painful. you will be angry, hurt, ashamed, confused, and humiliated by the time they are done with you.

Even though the recovery is long and difficult, the recovery from narcissistic abuse IS possible.

For some of us, the humiliation and shame is the worst part. For others, trying to trust again is the hardest part.

It's different for all of us, but one thing is the same: We are worthy of love, we are strong and resilient, and we can get through this.

I believe in you, and I'm here to help.
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#healingfromnarcabuse #CovertNarcissist #narcabusesurvivor #narcabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #narcabuserecovery #narcissisticparents #Shame #ConArtist

Narcissistic abuse happens to the best of us. Tru

Narcissistic abuse happens to the best of us.

Truly.

You are not alone.
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. #narcissisticabuseawareness #NarcAbuseCoaching #NarcissisticParents #narcabuseawareness #NarcParents #emotionalmanipulationabuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #HealingFromNarcAbuse

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